Author Archives: Nonhlanhla Bonita Ngwenya

In this fast paced world which is often unforgiving, it becomes the norm for people to hide their struggles and wear the many masks that are acceptable to the world; I am strong, I am unbreakable and I am forever happy. But why do we perpetuate this facade?

Hello folks! Happy new month of October and happy World Mental Health Day!

Globally, October is declared as a mental health awareness month. The objective being, to educate the public about mental health and reduce its stigma. Why is it ok to parade all our other chronic physical ailments and sacrifice our brain, our mind, the body’s engine? “I am struggling and I need help,” is a sentiment that resonates with so many of us yet none of us dares to scream this out loud. The question that then arises is why do we feel the need to hide our vulnerability and make this world one big masquerade ball where our mask is a statement that says all is well? In my day to day conversations, what I have noted is that the world strives to have it all but what we lack and can’t forge is social economy. I use the term social economy to refer to pillars, pain holders and walking sticks that manifest in the friends of family and friends without a knack for judgement but all about lending an ear. The beauty of October is that in our hemisphere we await the rains that revive the land and give creation rebirth, and in a similar way our tears are like rain to the soul, they speak of our sorrows and pains when we cannot, hence we should not be ashamed of them. Let us always remember that the integrity of a community is judged by how well we treat and take care of the vulnerable, where vulnerability is the very essence of our shared human experience. As we celebrate Mental Health Day, let us feel recuperated and ready to hold someone tight by holding their pain until they can process it on their own. And finally, this year’s theme is Mental health is a universal human right Because#MentalHealthMatters❤️🧠 .

In today’s #MentalMonday, we continue to emphasize and advocate for suicide prevention by creating hope through action. The constant reminder is that our words and actions are unimaginably powerful in preserving life or perpetuating the cases of suicide. And while we fight for suicide prevention we also remember to comfort and not stigmatise those dealing with loss of a loved one as a result of suicide. Today we move a motion and advocate for it’s widespread use that the world employs the words “died by suicide” as opposed to “committed suicide”. Crimes are committed and it is never a crime not to have coping strategies, not to have people to walk us down our dirtiest, deepest and darkest valleys of this life and trust they will hold our hands through it all. It is never a crime to not find pain holders who can be our crutch until we have a brain body connection that allows us to digest the pain we are going through. In the poster used above, the designer used colours borrowed from the mental health continuum. The background colour signifies a stage where one is experiencing significant impairment, be it emotionally or mentally. Many at times, we overlook and label when people are in this state. Ideations are termed silly, fake, stupid and attention seeking. When the body is paralysed by emotional strain they are labeled as lazy or selfish. It is time that we start the conversation so as to ensure that we do not use the term committed which ultimately makes the deceased the one who has performed an abominable act while we feel better and excuse ourselves from accepting that we did not play a part in preserving life. To those burdened, may we never hold back but instead remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. There is no time wasted when spent lending an ear so as to save lives and make them better. Hence, today we hope the world learns and shares the words “ Died by suicide”not “committed suicide”, because#Mentalhealthmatters❤️🧠

Poster credit: Mthulisi Moyo. Thank you for designing

Hello folks😊It’s been a minute but the need to fight and advocate for mental health remains. Happy new month and most importantly Suicide Prevention month. Yesterday we celebrated world suicide prevention day. It’s not late, you can still join in the struggle against suicide.

In today’s #MentalMonday we borrow the international theme on suicide prevention, “Creating hope through action.” In the plight of teaching that mental health is just as important as physical health, suicide is a catastrophic result of belittling and not validating one’s thoughts, feelings and emotions. Suicide is a public major health concern with far reaching social and emotional consequences. According to the World Health Organization, 700 000 people *die by suicide* every year and alarmingly, suicide is the 4th leading cause of death amongst people between the ages 15-24. The reasons for suicide stem from various aspects of our lives from as early as our childhood attachments gone wrong, traumas we encounter and carry through with us, the automatic negative thoughts towards ourselves, the inability to say no and set boundaries while remove toxic people in our lives. It is also how we have allowed society to teach us who we are and who we are not, the self worthlessness that we have been labeled with and fail to unlearn. The million dollar question would be, what do I do when plagued by suicidal ideation? Well there is no one size fits all but research shows that finding a hobby, avoiding isolation and trying new things that take us out of our comfort zones may be healing and are a way to get our hearts to be beat again. More so, it is important to counter negative thoughts with positive affirmations. A few examples include; words by Carl Bard “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start and make a brand new ending.” More so Ralph Waldo Emerson states that; “When it is darkest, we can see the stars.” Hence, our problems don’t last forever and while we are in them, some good may be find in that situation.

So while today we disseminate information on suicide prevention we remind the next person that no one is immune to mental health challenges and our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody and anything outside ourselves will affect us. And when the going gets too hard, talk to someone, find a professional.

Needless to say, suicide prevention is a struggle that you and I can take part in everyday by serving a smile, in the few kind words directed at others and sharing love and lending an ear those who desire to vent. For anyone reading this and is having a hard time, just remember, in this life, in this night, your story, your emotions, it all matters. All of it matters and ultimately, you matter. Love, your Shrinkbae, Because#MentalHealthMatters❤️🧠.

Hi guys! Happy new month, the month of minority mental health and disability pride.
Just a little reminder:- July is the 7th month of the year which means we are through with the first half. How are the resolutions, the plans and the projections for the year going? If things aren’t going as planned, whether due to our shortcomings, the interference of other parties or any other reasons, worry note focus on the wins and how the losses can dealt with.
In today’s #MentalMonday edition, we specifically focus on how at one point in our lives we were part of a group (or still are) where we find ourselves being part of a minority group. While more often than not, the focus is on racial and ethnic difference or sexual orientation, there is so much that makes us feel less important and inferior and ultimately compromises our mental health and even so the ability to reach out for mental health services. Sometimes, it is even the fact that we are going through a mental health episode. The way we are constantly fatigued and wish for self alienation. The way we can not on some days get up and do the basic activities of daily living. The way we are absolutely crippled by our emotions being in the doldrums and no one seems to notice or better yet understand. In this month of disability pride, we also raise awareness that mental health disorders are also a disability and more so a crippling one. A disability which the general population does not see by naked eye but is only known to the our intimate hero, the pillow, which has wiped so many tears and muffled so many cries. And as we celebrate disability pride this July, let us remember our feelings are valid, when emotions are low and we are not able to function, it is valid and when one needs time out to focus on mental health that should be prioritised. Disability is not only physical, it can be mental and emotional. Sometimes, disability is that change in mental capacity, that change in personality where we will eventually lose ourselves, and scary as it may seem, that wave of emotion which may drive the other to suicide. However, it doesn’t change or water down the plight of physical disability. In our next episode we shall explore physical disability and mental health; the effect of our actions and stigma. And let us never forget the words of Bessel can see Kolk “The body keeps the score.” No matter how much we try to ignore and not let mental health take precedence, the body will remember and it will catch up with us. With this folks, let us put ourselves first and our well-being first because#Mentalhealthmatters❤️🧠

Hi guys!

Today I want us to look at fathers and fatherhood. You know, the unknown, unspoken aspects that no one really bothers about, or knows, or understands.

See, fathers too, the silent heroes of out times, deserve the recognition. Never mind the absentee fathers, or the present yet absent fathers, or the distant fathers. While the world is in an uproar about fathers that are not stepping up, we forget how our ingratitude towards present fathers has a ripple effect on their mental health. Hence, today, I’m talking about our real, present and unrecognised warriors of our times.

Something amazes me about fathers – their ability to cope, adapt and adjust to whichever epochs that come. Talk about fathers of old, modern fathers, contemporary fathers – yes, your own dad! He has managed to see the situation, understand its demands, and act accordingly. Yes, unseen, unrecognised, and unacknowledged, fathers have stepped up silently and been the pillars we never knew we looked for. Fathers have held our families together, even when time and circumstance have threatened to tear apart and fragment. They have managed to be there, and they’ll continue to be there – for no son or daughter of theirs will suffer, not if they can help it! Amidst all the pressures from the society dictating how they should be men, they still manage to take a stand and do right by their families.

A word for fathers then. Dear paternal parents, thank you. We are not blind to your sacrifices, your unselfishness, your self-giving love and quiet pledge to your families. We are grateful, we acknowledge, and we salute you. The good that you do, keep on doing. And though thanks be few, our hearts overflow with noble words, unspoken but no less important, in gratitude and praise of your noble role.

To any father, in any capacity – we acknowledge, we thank and we praise. We also appeal. That may you not forget yourselves completely, that you neglect yourselves in the process. That you may realise and understand that suffering alone never helped; that there is joy in meeting as men and sharing;that your effort ls reap a great reward, if not in this world, then ib the next.

Fathers, wherever you may be, you are loved, appreciated and acknowledged – as progenitors, as rearers and raisers and protectors and keepers and guardians. You are not unnoticed; you are the best.

Happy father’s day!!! Remember to keep showing love and gratitude to the fathers who stepped up because even with fathers#MentalHealthMatters❤️🧠

Dear African Child,
This is for you. The offspring of the youth of 1976, the young people who felt that something was wrong, noticed that something was wrong, and rose up to do something. This is for you, African Parent, for you too were once an African Child, nursing dreams and hopes and aspirations. This is for you, African child, who still nurses dreams and hopes and aspirations too, hoping to someday make it work.
Dear African Child, are you aware of the dangers that surround your dreams? Are you woke to the fact that the world is a much, more complicated place now than then? Do you realise that if you do not rise up, own up, and act up, things will become much, much worse, not just for you, but for those coming after you?
Think about it. 47 years ago, young men and women like you felt that enough was enough, and took a stand. Because of the decisions they made then, we are in a different place now. It belongs to you then, African Child of now, to take a stand, to show up where needed, to rise, like they rose that fateful day.
So much needs to be done, African Child. From a personal level – reclaiming your identity, reimagining yourself to be the person of your tines, owning your identity, and getting rid of the shackles that still bind you – shackles of the past, shackles of the present, shackles physical and mental, spiritual, social, and cultural.
But you also need to heal, African Child. You also need to recover from the pain of loss, the pain of abuse and oppression, and the trauma that lies buried deep within you, that silently surrounds you, that threatens your mental freedom and growth.
And so Rise, African Child of today. Rise and battle the scourge of substance abuse that takes the best from you; rise and shake off stereotypes that limit and suppress you; rise to empathy, to be more loving, more sharing and caring, more available for self and for others, always keen to notice, always eager to be of help.
There is so much we can do… But only if you Rise, African Child.
Are you ready?

From I, fellow African Child, Because#MentalHealthMatters❤️🧠

Hie guys!
As a build up to Father’s Day, and as a way of raising more awareness, I’d like us to talk about the impact of events at a political, social and economic level on Men, with a special focus on mental health.

Traditional structures in society place the man as the provider and breadwinner. The man, as the head of the household, had to be the steady pillar of security, support and strength. As long as Dad is home, as long as Dad works, as long as Dad protects and provides – all would work.

The modern man, however, finds himself confronted with changes in society. Where he was the breadwinner, now he has to share that role with the woman of the house too. Where he was the provider, he has to accept that the woman too – the educated, careered woman of today – can and does provide too. With the emphasis on women being protectors, women being strongpoints, women being heads of households and being in positions to lead too, the modern man is caught in the winds of change. Furthermore, the modern man is being encouraged more and more to express himself emotionally, to learn emotional intelligence and to be emotional and ‘soft’ too, something the olden day man would have cringed at.
So, where does that leave us?
Mental health statistic seem to lean more on men as sufferers and victims, more than their female counterparts. Modern work economics place women as more likely to be employed than men, and that places a good number of men on an unsure footing. Economic upheavals, political instabilities, cultural changes, new social ills affecting children and young people – all of these are taking a toll on men, as stats seem to reveal.
So, what do we say?
First of all, now more than ever, we have to say more and more emphatically :- Men’s Mental Health matters too. It’s not enough to acknowledge that the contemporary man faces more than older versions did – we also need to look at educating, enlightening and above all, supporting the modern man. For if we neglect that, the very foundations of society and family are shaken.
Men need to know that it’s okay to feel the pressure.
Men need to know that in these difficult times, failing is not alien to the human process.
Men need to know that structures are there to help and support them through whatever it is that they are going through.
Above all, in a thankless society which sadly points out faults in fatherhood and fathers (legitimate cases, mostly) men need the acknowledgement, the not, the pat on the shoulder that they are doing a good job as fathers, as brothers, as father figures and co-builders and pillars of society.
We’ll keep on building on this, this month of June.
For now, to all men, and to all of us, as we take care of our bodies, our lives and goals, safeguard your mental health, because, even in regard to men, #mentalhealthmatters❤️🧠

“Because the heart has its reasons which reason cannot reason.” Blaise Pascal

Hie guys!

Last week we talked about love and how it shouldn’t hurt, and how violence and pain have no place in love. Now, I want us to get personal a bit. Oftentimes, when love hurts, the hurt party stays on, lives on, tries to be strong, because they believe that the abuser, the perpetrator, the offender, loves them. To the outside world, its often clear enough :- IF S/HE IS HURTING YOU, WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING ON? WHY STAY WHERE IT HURTS? And right here, is where we lose it. The need to be logical and question sense and reason rather than supportive and understanding of the victim.

So, let’s try to seperate the two. Where does the heart end, and where does the mind begin?

To start off, we all need to agree that the best version of love is one where the mind and the heart are in agreement, as closely as possible. This means that although there might be some factors which might make sense to the heart and not the mind (and vice versa), generally, there is a meeting point between the two. The task of the individual is to be able to make a decision based on these two, and draw a line between the two as well. Here are a few pointers:-

– A heart decision is emotional, sentimental, appealing to the human qualities, and always ready to give another go, another chance, another opening. If you find yourself basing more on these, you’re probably making a heart decision. The heart loves in spite of;thus, all decisions from the heart usually overlook, override and overturn facts, sense-evidence, and all obvious signs and symptoms. So, those in love heart-wise tend to stay on, in spite of those who cheat,lie, betray trust, abuse and manipulate them in marriages and relationships.

– a mind based relationship is calculative, factual and projective. When the mind is the leader in love, questions like “what is our long term view? Will we make it that long? How are the finances /goals/ structures and programs? Will we grow together as human beings? Will s/he sustain me in my dreams and plans?” etc etc. And, should any of these questions meet with a no, red flags are raised. Calculative people often project how long a relationship is going to last, and make decisions accordingly. Love, for them, is an intellectual decision and not an emotional choice.

Hear me, and hear me well. Love without reason is a fairytale; love without emotions is a business merger. Both reason and the heart are necessary for a love based relationship to work. And in cases of wrong, or abuse, or pain, the mind ought to take precedence. And in cases of station in life, outlook in life, joy, happiness, and pleasure, the heart takes precedence. An example :- in an abusive relationship, the mind has to take over. Concern to the self’s wellbeing should come first. The mind decides, the heart submits. In an uneven relationship (for instance, one partner is more successful than the other) the rhythm of the relationship should be a decisive factor. So the heart decides, and the mind advises. What do you think guys? To what extent should love be emotional and not rational? How much say does the mind sway over the heart? How much muscle power do we give to the heart or the mind? Once the battle between the heart and the mind is a constant one in a relationship, let it be known that this is the junction where the heart has to rest and let the mind take over.

In all this, remember that mental health comes first, love or no love, remember to safeguard yourself, because #mentalhealthmatters❤️🧠

Hi good people!
Today I want to touch on something sensitive, and sad, and heartbreaking…
Violence in our love circles.
That’s right guys. I want us to talk about why our families, our relationships, our ‘inner circles’, are seeing and experiencing so much violence. Statistics are going higher by the year, and sadly, less and less people are becoming keen on the idea of love and family. What’s happening out there?
It’s the deafening screams that accompany the hard slap from an infuriated partner. It’s the silent heartbreaking cries muffled in a pillow stemming from unspeakable emotional trauma exerted on the other by their broken partner. It’s the death of a soul that has been stabbed and pierced by words with edges very sharp, a tongue so ruthless and merciless.
Unfortunately, one thing for sure, though, is that when these two met, when this family, when this circle of love was made, none harboured any dark thoughts. At least, that’s what I would like to believe. But somewhere, somehow, trust got broken, lines got crossed, love grew cold, unresolved issues surfaced, and life took its toll.
The phenomenon of familial and domestic violence is slowly eroding our society of family and marital values. It comes in many forms:- physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, financial, even religious. These are aspects and avenues where familial and domestic violence has manifested itself prevalently. And sadly, we are all to blame. Beyond the finger pointing (men saying women push them to their limits, and women saying men take it out on women, and children saying parents don’t want to sit down with them, and parents blaming children, et cetera et cetera), WE ARE ALL TO BLAME. Due to our different personalities, our view of life, and our approach to problems, we all become enablers, aggressors, abusers, and victims. And rather than point fingers, we all need to look for our quiet corners and ak ourselves the following questions :-

• do I seek to resolve everything by physical and violent means?
• do I have any anger issues?
• when a crisis hits the family, our relationship, how do I respond?
  Am I a flight or fight person?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, the bigger question then becomes:-
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ABOUT IT?
Have you sought for help for yourself? Have you organized an intervention for your friend in a familial and domestic violence situation? Have you addressed the necessary issues with concerned persons?
There is a lot to be done dear friends. You might be the victim of domestic violence, but you do not need to stay a victim forever. You might be the abuser, but help is there for you too! I will highlight that and more in our next article. For now, stay strong, stay healthy, stay happy, because#mentalhealthmatters❤️🧠

Hie guys!
Yesterday we celebrated Mother’s Day, a moment to give our mothers flowers while they live. It’s a day meant to appreciate, not just biological mothers, but also all female members of society, who take up the matriarchal role – aunts, grandmothers, older sisters (whom we affectionately call deputy mothers, do we not?), all house helpers and maids who have had to step into motherly roles more frequently than not. And today, we celebrate the International Day of Families, recognising the importance of family as the cornerstone of society. The Family is the first model society, the first model school, church, workplace, city, and country.
And now, dear friends, I want you to notice this. If families are the cornerstone of society, and mothers are the cornerstones of families, then, by extension, mothers ARE the cornerstones of society! For this reason, I call them NURTURERS. Because over and above everything else, mothers are the Nurturers. While fathers are lifegivers and protectors, mothers are the nurturers, from the womb right through all the stages of life – infancy, childhood, teenage life, adulting. It is mothers and matriarchs – by their presence, by their affirmation, by their support and cheerleading, by the hopes and aspirations they nurse, the dreams to see the best in those under their care – who have silently, harmoniously, and beautifully kept society going through the centuries.
And so we say, thank you. Inadequate though these two words seem to be, none sums up the feeling of gratitude in all of us for the selfless and sacrificial role they play in all our lives. They make families the warm happy and healthy spaces that they are – and for this we say thank you, we love you!
It is the mother who deals with postpartum depression and puerperal psychosis. The mother who carries on her shoulders our burdens, her burdens and the other mother’s struggles. The mother who loses after having felt movement and life within her. The mother who tries to cocoon all parties in a blended family. A word to the mothers and mother-figures – keep up the good fight. I said it on Women’s Day, I’ll say it today too – you are not alone. Your greatest strength is within you, and in your fellow woman-human mothers. Never be afraid to ask for help, from a fellow mother, a fellow woman, a fellow matriarch. Do not let your voice be silenced and drowned by sny negative events that happen and overwhelm you. You are present for us, know that someone is present for you too. You are strong for us, know that someone just like you is there for you as your strength. And as you nurtured, so you nurture. And the beautiful rhythm of life continues, because you continue the cycle of grace, beauty, goodness and love that was handed to you by your mother, from her mother, and countless mothers before them.
You are our Cornerstone, our Warmth, our Nurturers, our Havens. And for that reason, protect your mental health by all means possible Because#MentalHealthMatters❤️🧠