“Because the heart has its reasons which reason cannot reason.” Blaise Pascal
Hie guys!
Last week we talked about love and how it shouldn’t hurt, and how violence and pain have no place in love. Now, I want us to get personal a bit. Oftentimes, when love hurts, the hurt party stays on, lives on, tries to be strong, because they believe that the abuser, the perpetrator, the offender, loves them. To the outside world, its often clear enough :- IF S/HE IS HURTING YOU, WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING ON? WHY STAY WHERE IT HURTS? And right here, is where we lose it. The need to be logical and question sense and reason rather than supportive and understanding of the victim.
So, let’s try to seperate the two. Where does the heart end, and where does the mind begin?
To start off, we all need to agree that the best version of love is one where the mind and the heart are in agreement, as closely as possible. This means that although there might be some factors which might make sense to the heart and not the mind (and vice versa), generally, there is a meeting point between the two. The task of the individual is to be able to make a decision based on these two, and draw a line between the two as well. Here are a few pointers:-
– A heart decision is emotional, sentimental, appealing to the human qualities, and always ready to give another go, another chance, another opening. If you find yourself basing more on these, you’re probably making a heart decision. The heart loves in spite of;thus, all decisions from the heart usually overlook, override and overturn facts, sense-evidence, and all obvious signs and symptoms. So, those in love heart-wise tend to stay on, in spite of those who cheat,lie, betray trust, abuse and manipulate them in marriages and relationships.
– a mind based relationship is calculative, factual and projective. When the mind is the leader in love, questions like “what is our long term view? Will we make it that long? How are the finances /goals/ structures and programs? Will we grow together as human beings? Will s/he sustain me in my dreams and plans?” etc etc. And, should any of these questions meet with a no, red flags are raised. Calculative people often project how long a relationship is going to last, and make decisions accordingly. Love, for them, is an intellectual decision and not an emotional choice.
Hear me, and hear me well. Love without reason is a fairytale; love without emotions is a business merger. Both reason and the heart are necessary for a love based relationship to work. And in cases of wrong, or abuse, or pain, the mind ought to take precedence. And in cases of station in life, outlook in life, joy, happiness, and pleasure, the heart takes precedence. An example :- in an abusive relationship, the mind has to take over. Concern to the self’s wellbeing should come first. The mind decides, the heart submits. In an uneven relationship (for instance, one partner is more successful than the other) the rhythm of the relationship should be a decisive factor. So the heart decides, and the mind advises. What do you think guys? To what extent should love be emotional and not rational? How much say does the mind sway over the heart? How much muscle power do we give to the heart or the mind? Once the battle between the heart and the mind is a constant one in a relationship, let it be known that this is the junction where the heart has to rest and let the mind take over.
In all this, remember that mental health comes first, love or no love, remember to safeguard yourself, because #mentalhealthmattersā¤ļøš§
Because#Mentalhealthmattersā¤š§ 